Sixth Child hey, look, another one!
by MonkeyWithAStick
Summary: A sixth child arrives in Tokyo-3 and something about weird terrorists that die a lot. That's pretty much the whole plot so far, but I'm adding more as we speak, or you read this. Whatever. Read it. NOW!
1. cow tipping

Hey, pay attention!  
  
Evangelion is owned by people other than me. So is everything else in this fic except for maybe the two sentences I didn't rip off of a movie/TV show/whatever. And the name Kevin belongs to my little buddy.  
  
Don't hate me because this story is beautiful; hate me because it sucks because it's my first attempt. And yes, there are spoilers to the plot line of the original show.  
  
Ok, ( ) means the characters emotion at the time or whatever I deem important to make known to you, means thinking, [ ] means actions the characters do while speaking, and * * is something I, the author, threw in there, none of which will make sense.  
  
I'd also like to point out that this story takes place after the end of the series but everyone's still alive and uninjured, so HA!  
  
READY FIGHT!  
  
  
  
Shinji: Mmmmmm, Asuka, right there.  
  
*Score!*  
  
Asuka stood over Shinji as he slept, looking at him in disgust. He was moaning HER name! What a perv! She walked over to his desk and picked up a large book, which she proceeded to drop right on Shinji's crotch. Needless to say, he woke the hell up.  
  
Asuka: Wake up you damned hentai! We're going to be late for school!  
  
Aaaaand then she kicked him in the face. Not his lucky day.  
  
Shinji: (in pain obviously) Ow! Sweet Jeebus was that really necessary!?  
  
Asuka: Only when you moan my name in your sleep.  
  
Shinji realizes what he was earlier dreaming about and blushes more than one would think possible.  
  
Shinji: Look, just go away for a minute, I have to get dressed.  
  
Asuka makes a "humph" sound and leaves.  
  
****** *hey look, a time machine, forward Mr. Spock!*  
  
Shinji walks into the kitchen and sees Misato, Asuka, and Pen-Pen eating. He sits down in the empty seat and a extremely loud farting sound explodes from his chair. Misato and Asuka are trying not to laugh so hard tears are forming. Shinji picks up a large pink cushion from under his butt and frowns.  
  
*yeah that was lame, but it gets better later so HOLD ON DAMN YOU!*  
  
Shinji: (sarcastic) Cute, real cute.  
  
Asuka: Ummm, we get off of school today right Misato, for work right?  
  
Misato: (drunk) Yeah, huh? Oh, sure, right, whatever.  
  
Shinji: (surprised) What!? When do we have to be at NERV?  
  
Asuka: (calmly) Three hours.  
  
Shinji (getting mad) AND YOU DROPPED A BIG ASS BOOK ON MY CROTCH TO WAKE ME UP!?  
  
Misato tries to stifle a laugh.  
  
Asuka: (laughing) Yeah! Bwahahahaha!  
  
****** *meanwhile, at NERV, bum bum bum!*  
  
Gendo: (with an evil smile under his hands which are in the normal position) So Kozo, what's my evil plan to screw with the pilots to day?  
  
Fuyutsuki: You're introducing them to a new pilot from America.  
  
Gendo: Excellen. what the hell?  
  
He breaks his normal position and turns to stare at Fuyutsuki.  
  
Gendo: That doesn't sound so evil. In fact that sounds almost like being nice to them, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?  
  
Fuyutsuki: Well sir, the author wanted to put himself in the story.  
  
Gendo: Oh, ok. Wait a minute, the author? What the hell are you talking about?  
  
Fuyutsuki: Ummm, nothing, nothing at all.  
  
****** *hey look, it's me, I'm not the pilot though, I'd rather not think of myself 4 years ago, because pilots have to be 14 and all. yeah*  
  
In a small jet, an 18 and a 14 year old are sitting in three of the eight seats available, the older has his legs spread out onto the seat next to him and was staring out the window. The 18 year old is well built and has light brown hair that makes it look like he just woke up, grey eyes with a hint of blue, which where covered with oval shaped sunglasses at the moment. It looked like he hadn't shaved the last couple days. He was wearing jeans with a loose black T-shirt that had white letters spelling out "Security."  
  
The 14 year old is kind of skinny and doesn't have too much muscle on him. He is peacefully asleep with his short dirty blond hair spiked straight up rustling in the air conditioner's breeze. Likewise his red "Transformers" shirt was rustling in the fake wind. He was wearing loose jean shorts and dark blue sneakers. *Kevin, if you read this, don't tell me that doesn't look like you*  
  
Matt: Hey look Kevin, there's where Australia used to be!  
  
Kevin, the pilot, wakes up on a small plane apparently where Australia used to be.  
  
Kevin: Australia? Weren't we flying from New York to Tokyo 3? What the Hang?  
  
Matt: Hey, you're right. Oh well, go back to sleep.  
  
Kevin: But we're in the wrong hemisphere all together!  
  
Matt sneaks up behind him with chloroform and a rag and puts him back to sleep.  
  
Matt: Showed him!  
  
****** *back at the NERV airport, the three pilots are there with Misato and Ritsuko*  
  
Misato: Took them damn long enough.  
  
Ritsuko: The pilot's guardian said the pilot got sidetracked.  
  
Misato: How sidetracked?  
  
Ritsuko: They got to see where Australia used to be.  
  
*does it seem like I don't like Australia, hmmm*  
  
Misato: (yelling) AUSTRALIA!? That's not sidetracked, that's fuggin lost!  
  
Ritsuko: Yeah, I know.  
  
The plane lands and proceeds to blow up. a lot of dust.  
  
Asuka: 'Bout damn time.  
  
The plane, amazingly enough, stops right in front of the group of people and the new pilot and his guardian step out. Of course the guardian is carrying all the damned luggage.  
  
Matt: Dammit Brian, go introduce yourself to your public.  
  
Kevin: (turns around) Public?  
  
Matt: (struggling under luggage) The other pilots dumbass.  
  
Kevin: (turning back around) Oh.  
  
Kevin walks down the stairs from the jet. He introduce himself to everyone until he gets to Rei, to whom he stares at for a minute and then melts into primordial goo, or LCL, or whatever you want to call it. Matt walks over and mops him up with a rag and squeezes it out, amazingly forming Kevin again. Matt then walks off screen again.  
  
Kevin: So, you must be Rei.  
  
Rei: (emotionlessly) Yes.  
  
Kevin: Hey, this may sound weird, but bear with me now, are you from Venus?  
  
Rei: (puzzled but not showing it) Ummm, no, why?  
  
Kevin: (crooked smile on his face) 'Cause baby your ass is outta this world!  
  
Everyone but Kevin and Rei immediately fall on their respective faces. Then, out of nowhere, a heavy piece of luggage sails through the air and nails Kevin in the back of the head. He then joins everyone on his face.  
  
Matt: Damn kids.  
  
****** *roar! fear me because I say roar!*  
  
Gendo: (lifting an eyebrow) So you're saying that the.  
  
He turns around and quietly confers with Kozo.  
  
Gendo: Damn it, which one are we up to now?  
  
Fuyutsuki: The sixth sir.  
  
Gendo: (turning around again) .6th child has the hots for Rei?  
  
Misato: Apparently.  
  
Gendo: Perfect.  
  
Fuyutsuki: (confused) Perfect? This wasn't in the plan at alOUCH!  
  
Gendo had kicked his second in command in the shin to shut him up. Misato just stared at them, and was dismissed.  
  
****** *back at the apartment*  
  
Asuka: (coming inside) Hey Baka! Somebody's moving in two doors down from us!  
  
Shinji: (coming around the corner) Who?  
  
Asuka: (lying down on the couch) I don't know, I didn't hang around long enough to find out.  
  
Suddenly there was a knock at the door.  
  
Shinji: I'll get it.  
  
Shinji opens the door and Kevin sticks his head in looking around.  
  
Kevin: So does Rei live here with you guys?  
  
Shinji: (a tad surprised) No, she lives by herself. Why are you here?  
  
Kevin: Me and Matt are moving in two doors down from you guys, Misato suggested it to us, so don't blame me.  
  
Asuka suddenly sprays the soda (oddly labeled SODA) she was sipping out here nose.  
  
Asuka: (screaming) WHAAAAAAT!  
  
Shinji: (looking over his shoulder) Look, I don't see what the big deal is, it's not like they're moving in with us.  
  
Asuka: STILL!  
  
She storms off into her room and locks the door behind her.  
  
Shinji: So you need help unpacking or anything?  
  
Kevin: (eyes wide) Uhhh, yeah, yeah sure.  
  
They both leave and load heavy crap into the new pilot's apartment.  
  
END FOR NOW  
  
Hey, looky there, my first fic, done, or a chapter at least. If you read it, review it and e-mail me damn it. I'm bored. 


	2. screw you pal, i'll tell you when i've h...

Hey, pay attention!  
  
Evangelion is owned by people other than me. So is everything else in this fic except for maybe the two sentences I didn't rip off of a movie/TV show/whatever. And the name Kevin belongs to my little buddy.  
  
Don't hate me because this story is beautiful; hate me because it sucks because it's my first attempt. And yes, there are spoilers to the plot line of the original show.  
  
Ok, ( ) means the characters emotion at the time or whatever I deem important to make known to you, means thinking, [ ] means actions the characters do while speaking, and * * is something I, the author, threw in there, none of which will make sense.  
  
I'd also like to point out that this story takes place after the end of the series but everyone's still alive and uninjured, so HA!  
  
Last Episode-A new eva pilot arrived in Tokyo 3, he has the hots for Rei. Now he and his guardian are moving in two doors down from Shinji and everyone. Yep, that's it.  
  
Will the new pilot work well with others? Will the guardian not piss thousands of people off? Will I ever get those damned shirts I ordered online?  
  
READY FIGHT!  
  
Matt's in a bar getting drunk off his ass when Misato walks in.  
  
Matt: (slurred) Heeeeey, I know you.  
  
Misato: Hello, Matt was it?  
  
Matt: You don't know me!  
  
Misato: (realizes he drunk) Uhhh, yeah, mind if I join you?  
  
Matt: Sure, (smiles) whatever (drops his forehead onto the bar)  
  
Misato: One hell of a guardian.  
  
****** *hey look, same scene different time, ooo, magic!*  
  
Misato has joined Matt face down on the bar when he wakes up. The bar is otherwise empty. It appears to be 2 am.  
  
Matt: Whoa, what the hell?  
  
He then gets hit in the face with a push broom again and again.  
  
Matt: Ow, cut it out jackass!  
  
Bartender: Finally. We closed, get you and your damned lady friend the hell out before I shoots ya's.  
  
Matt: Ok, ok, (quieter) I hope you choke on your own shit dickface.  
  
Bartender: What?  
  
Matt: (picks up an unconscious Misato) Nothing!  
  
He runs out of the bar at amazing speeds leaving an odd smoke trail behind him.  
  
****** *hey screw you pal, I'll tell you when I had enough!*  
  
Matt is carrying Misato to the front door of her apartment.  
  
Matt: Wake up damn you, what kind of an example are you trying to set for these kids?  
  
Misato: (sleepily) Huh, Whozit? Wherezit? Wazzagoinon?  
  
Matt: (to himself) God damn she's really drunk, hope this doesn't happen to her too often.  
  
Matt bangs on the door to Misato's apartment with his foot, it being 3 in the morning, no one answers for a few minutes. Shinji sleepily opens the door.  
  
Matt: Here take her.  
  
Shinji just stares at Matt holding Misato with one hand under her back and one under her knees.  
  
Matt: Ooooor just stand there and point me to her room or something, my arms are falling asleep damn it.  
  
Shinji stupidly points to Misato's room, still shocked by the fact that the new pilot's guardian had just brought Misato home drunk as hell. Matt shoved past him and set Misato on her bed.  
  
Matt: (to Shinji) There, you probably know what to do better than me.  
  
Shinji nods, recovering his senses.  
  
****** *Stairway to Heaven is the best song ever!*  
  
Matt stumbles in his own apartment *he's still drunk* and sees Kevin watching something he shouldn't *guess why don't you* and falls down behind the couch. Kevin jumps in surprise and quickly flips the channel back to some cartoon. After waiting a second he looks behind him and sees nothing. He decides to go back to his *coughporncough* program. Matt shakily stands up and takes in a deep breath.  
  
Matt: (all one word) Whatthehellareyoudoingit's3amandyourstillupandwatchingthiscraponmydamnTVyouh aveafreakingsynchrotesttomorrowyoushouldbeasleepGOTOBED!  
  
Kevin jumps about 10 feet in the air and hits his head on the amazingly high ceiling. As soon as he lands he takes off to his room and slams the door behind him. Matt falls over the back of the couch and decides to continue watching the interesting program Kevin had been enjoying. He soon turns it off, goes to his own room and falls asleep.  
  
****** *The next day is what I would say if I cared enough*  
  
Kevin was sitting at the table in his new home eating breakfast when Matt walked in wearing nothing but large boxers, obviously still waking up. Kevin still wasn't quite used to this even though he had lived with Matt for some time back in America.  
  
Matt: (almost incoherent) What time it huh?  
  
Kevin: 10 o'clock.  
  
Matt: (eyes widen, and he becomes fully awake) GAAAAAA! I'm already two hours late for my first day!  
  
He jumps up and runs away and returns a second later in an interesting uniform of black dress pants with a black shirt under a deep red Hawaiian shirt and a tie of the same color, and runs out of the apartment. Kevin realizes that Matt's his only way to get to NERV and runs outside *yeah, he's dressed* to see Matt's Shelby Cobra *SWEET!* pull away from the parking lot at incredibly illegal speeds.  
  
Kevin: Oh, hell.  
  
He goes back inside to gather his things and then walks over to where Shinji lives. Before knocking on the door, he hears shouting inside. Unable to hear it so the author doesn't have to write it because he's too damn lazy; he waits for it to subside. He knocks on the door and Asuka flings it open with all her might and glares at the sixth child. He looks at her like she's insane.  
  
Kevin: Yeah, hi, you guys are going to NERV soon right?  
  
Asuka: (angry) Yeah, so what?  
  
Kevin: I was wondering how you're getting there and if I can hitch a ride.  
  
Asuka: (calms down a little) Yeah, sure, but we walk there so you better be able to keep up.  
  
With that she slams the door right in his face, seriously, he gets hit right in the nose and falls down.  
  
****** *and we're at NERV out of nowhere*  
  
Kevin: Wow, you'd think that Tokyo3 would collapse right onto us, but no.  
  
Asuka and Shinji look at him like he's insane. Kevin turns around and sees this.  
  
Kevin: Never mind then. Hey just out of curiosity, how much do we get paid?  
  
Shinji: (confused) Paid?  
  
Kevin: Yeah, paid, you know for saving the world and piloting big ass robots, you'd think the UN would pay us hundreds of thousands of dollars for it.  
  
Asuka: (realizing) Hey, yeah, WHAT THE HELL!? We SHOULD be getting paid for this!  
  
Kevin: You mean we don't get paid?  
  
Shinji: I never got anything.  
  
Kevin: That's dumb.  
  
They continue walking through the countless number of hallways.  
  
****** *meanwhile, on the other side of the plot*  
  
Matt walks out of Gendo's office head down and tail between his legs *it's a damn metaphor you weirdo* and a small thunder cloud forming over his head. He walks down to where everyone usually stands and leans against the wall with his arms folded over his chest.  
  
Ritsuko: (not turning to look at him) You know, if you showed up on time.  
  
Matt: Yeah, I know, it's not my fault.  
  
Ritsuko: Then whose is it?  
  
Matt: Uhhh, someone else's.  
  
Ritsuko: Yeah, I thought so. On an unrelated note, Misato told me how you took her home last night.  
  
Matt: (puts hands behind his head and looks up) Really?  
  
Ritsuko: Yeah, but she had to hear it from Shinji in the morning.  
  
Matt: (looks around) Where is she?  
  
Ritsuko: She took the day off; she didn't have to come in.  
  
Matt: (stands up straight) What!? And I did?  
  
Ritsuko: (still not turned around) You have to be here for Kevin.  
  
Matt: But what about Asuka and Shinji?  
  
Ritsuko: They've been doing this for a while now; they know what they're doing.  
  
Matt "humphs" to himself and goes back to leaning against the wall.  
  
Matt: Speaking of which, when are they getting here?  
  
Ritsuko: Soon.  
  
****** *I can't write for crap*  
  
The three pilots bump into Rei, or at least Kevin does while walking around a corner, causing them to fall down. Kevin gets up and helps Rei to her feet.  
  
Kevin: Rei, if I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?  
  
Rei stares at him for a second and then rolls her eyes and walks away.  
  
Shinji: God you're bad at that.  
  
Kevin: (slightly angered) Screw you pal, screw you.  
  
****** *what's stronger, a rhino or an elephant?*  
  
The four pilots arrive at where the Evas are kept. The newly acquired unit 14 stood next to unit 01. It looked a lot like unit 01, only black and chrome colored *imagine it yourself damn it* and it didn't have the horn on the head.  
  
Kevin: (whistles) Sweet.  
  
The show never explained how they get into the plugs, so neither am I damn it.  
  
****** *control room, where's my latte?*  
  
People are saying things Matt doesn't understand or care about, so why should I? It's always crap like "Reaching absolute borderline" or something, so imagine everyone screaming that. Great. Whatever, I'm getting bored, so everyone passes with flying colors and Shinji's still the best. Yippee. Anyway, I'm going to end this chapter and go eat something.  
  
END FOR NOW  
  
Hey, tell me what you think, I don't care if you liked it (yeah, right) or not. Sachiel03@aol.com Hop to it! Next Chapter I'll introduce an actual plot! 


	3. Goodspeed, Godspeed, Godspell. (if you k...

Hey, pay attention!  
  
Evangelion is owned by people other than me. So is everything else in this fic except for maybe the two sentences I didn't rip off of a movie/TV show/whatever. And the name Kevin belongs to my little buddy in ninth grade.  
  
Don't hate me because this story is beautiful; hate me because it sucks because it's my first attempt. And yes, there are spoilers to the plot line of the original show.  
  
Ok, ( ) means the characters emotion at the time or whatever I deem important to make known to you, and * * is something I, the author, threw in there, none of which will make sense.  
  
I'd also like to point out that this story takes place after the end of the series but everyone's still alive and uninjured, so HA!  
  
Last Episodes-A new pilot and his insanely hot guardian, played by me, arrived in Tokyo-3 and moved in a couple doors down from Shinji and everyone. The new pilot (Kevin) has the hots for Rei, his guardian was late for his first day of work, and other crap happened, go read it yourself. If I spell something wrong, or say something that sounds wrong it's because a wizard did it.  
  
Now I'll magically whip a plot out of my ass to make this story semi- interesting.  
  
READY FIGHT!  
  
Mistao: (knocking on the sixth child's door) Hello?  
  
Kevin answered the door fully dressed in jean shorts and his usual "Transformers" shirt under an open black shirt. And for the rest of this story he'll be wearing that unless he's in his plug suit. Because everyone else wears the same freaking thing over and over so why can't he? Anyway.  
  
Kevin: Oh, hi Misato, what's going on?  
  
Misato: I'm taking Shinji and Asuka to school today and I figured you might need a ride.  
  
Kevin: Oh, uhhh, Matt said he'd take me on a tour of the city today; I won't be going to school until tomorrow.  
  
Misato: Ah, I see. Where is Matt? I need to tell him something.  
  
Kevin opens the door a little wider and Misato can see Matt lying on the floor, on his face, asleep in a pair of gym shorts.  
  
Misato: Oh. never mind.  
  
Kevin: Yeah.  
  
With that Misato leaves and takes Shinji and Asuka to school. Back in the apartment, a few hours later, Kevin walks over to Matt and kicks him in the ribs to wake him up. It doesn't work. Then he stamps his foot on the back of his head making it so Matt can't breath, which wakes him up after a couple seconds.  
  
Matt: Mmmmph, what the hell?  
  
Kevin: Wake up.  
  
Matt: (looking up confused) Why the crap aren't you in school? It was supposed to be your first day.  
  
Kevin: They closed it because of a, ummm, gas leak.  
  
Matt: Great. (sits up) What do you want?  
  
Kevin: Go take a shower, you're stinking up the apartment.  
  
Matt wonders what the punishment for killing a pilot is before going and showering. A little while later, he emerges from his room wearing another red Hawaiian shirt over a black "Three Stooges" shirt and black dress pants again. Also, for the rest of this story he'll be wearing that unless at work, where he'll be wearing a red tie, too.  
  
Matt: Ok, let's go.  
  
****** *come on baby don't fear the reaper*  
  
The NERV cafeteria. Maya walks in on Makoto and Shigeru sitting together. Shigeru has his feet up on the table.  
  
Maya: So what's going on with you guys?  
  
Shigeru: (he's wearing headphones) "Romeo and Juliet, are together in eternity. Forty thousand men and women every day."  
  
Maya: The hell?  
  
Makoto: He's been listening to some old band all day. HE WON'T SHUT UP!  
  
Makoto glares at Shigeru who is playing an air guitar and banging his head.  
  
Maya: Ooooooookay, (points to her left) I'm going to go sit over there.  
  
Makoto: Yes! Save yourself! It's too late for me! Go, run for your life!  
  
Maya: Wise ass.  
  
****** *you say it "aska," not "asuka!" damn you Grand Theft Auto 3!*  
  
Matt and Kevin are driving around in Matt's Cobra *HOT DAMN!* looking for nothing in particular. Suddenly Matt's little tiny portable phone rings suddenly, so he whips it out *the phone dammit!* and answers it. suddenly.  
  
Matt: Hello?  
  
Misato: Matt, how's the tour of the city going?  
  
Matt: (confused) Do what in the what now?  
  
Misato: (also confused) Kevin said you were taking him on a tour of the city today, that's why he didn't go to school right?  
  
Matt: Hold on a second.  
  
Misato can hear loud profanities being yelled in English and then the loud sound of a punch landing and Kevin howling in pain.  
  
Matt: Ok, so what's going on again?  
  
Misato: (shocked) You didn't just kill him did you?  
  
Matt: No, just a good punch to the arm, so what did you call about?  
  
Misato: Oh right, uh, did you get a package from the school about Kevin yet?  
  
Matt: Yeah, why?  
  
Misato: It, um, had all the papers he needs and a uniform right?  
  
Matt: Yeah, why?  
  
Misato: I, uh, just wanted to make sure ok?  
  
Matt: (to himself) What the hell? (out loud) Ok, that it?  
  
Misato: Yes, thank you. Goodbye.  
  
She hangs up and Matt looks at the phone like it's insane. (Abruptly, your mind shows Ritsuko's office, Misato is sitting on her desk while Ritsuko is working on her computer).  
  
Ritsuko: (not looking up) You didn't tell him.  
  
Misato: I'll tell him later, get off my back.  
  
Ritsuko: (still not looking up) Later could be too late.  
  
****** * has anyone else noticed how horrible the English voices of SEELE sound? I mean come on!*  
  
A dark room filled with 12 enormous monoliths. Insert something to make them sound cool here.  
  
SEELE 1: So the plan is going exactly as planned?  
  
SEELE 5: Yes.  
  
SEELE 7: Perfect, our raid on NERV will succeed as foreseen.  
  
Gendo: You guys do know I'm right here, right?  
  
SEELE 1: Oh hell.  
  
****** *was that dumb or what?*  
  
Some Random Terrorist: We are truly doing God's work. These Evangelions have been stopping our saviors for too long. First God sent the flood to destroy the wicked, now the angels. The angels must be allowed to free us from this hell!  
  
Some Other Random Terrorist: Yes, we will destroy the children that pilot these tools of the devil, making them inoperable. Then we'll attack NERV head on and destroy these demons once and for all.  
  
Another Random Terrorist: Yo! Guys, shut the hell up, we know what's going on damn it!  
  
We can now see 4 men sitting in a nondescript van sitting outside of the only school ever shown in the series.  
  
Random Terrorist 1: Jeese, you don't have to get all pissy about it. We did take care of the NERV security forces for you right?  
  
Random Terrorist 3: Yeah, still, SHUT IT!  
  
Random Terrorist 2: What crawled up his butt and died?  
  
****** *does anyone else out there like Gendo? I know he's a bastard, but that's what makes him cool, anyone?*  
  
Gendo: So SEELE is preparing an attack on us to steal the Evangelions.  
  
Fuyutsuki: It would appear so, what are you going to do about it sir?  
  
Gendo: Nothing.  
  
Fuyutsuki: Nothing?  
  
Gendo: Hey, you knew I was a dick when you took this job ok? I want to see some suffering damn it.  
  
Fuyutsuki: Story too happy for you huh?  
  
Gendo: What story?  
  
Fuyutsuki: Uh, nothing, nothing at all sir.  
  
****** *Fuyutsuki always knows what's going on*  
  
Lunch time at school.  
  
Asuka: Damn it, why didn't the new kid have to come in today?  
  
Shinji: Relax already, he'll be here tomorrow.  
  
Asuka: I don't care it's still unfair.  
  
Touji: Hey, this new pilot as weird as the rest of you?  
  
Shinji: (turning around) Hey, you were a pilot too.  
  
Touji: Yeah, and look at where that got me.  
  
Touji pops off his left arm after undoing a few things on the shoulder.  
  
Kensuke: Oh, gross, put it back on.  
  
Touji: Wuss.  
  
He pops it back into place anyway.  
  
Touji: So is he weird or what?  
  
Shinji: I'm not sure, I don't really know him yet, but he seems like a nut job to me.  
  
Touji: Figures.  
  
Kensuke: (from the window) Hey, look at this!  
  
Everyone: Huh?  
  
The entire class rushes to the window to see five guys armed with various weapons running towards the entrance of the school from a nondescript van.  
  
Asuka: That's never good.  
  
Suddenly three cell phones ring as one.  
  
Shinji: Oh goody.  
  
****** *finally, action in this story*  
  
Matt: So, you little bastard, we're going by your school in a minute. You're damn lucky I don't have any of your papers here with me or you'd be in class in a minute.  
  
Kevin: Look, I said I was sorry, ok?  
  
Out of nowhere the two hear gunfire. They pull up to the school and realize it's coming from inside.  
  
Matt: Sweet zombie Jeebus on a pogo stick!  
  
Kevin: Yeah, so what are we gonna do?  
  
Matt: (staring at a window being blown open by a spray of bullets) Guns, trunk, now.  
  
Kevin: Good call.  
  
Matt opens the trunk and pulls out a grey case and proceeds to open that, too. Inside are an Uzi, a small shotgun, and ammo for the two and for a Colt .45 Revolver. He grabs the ammo and the Uzi, then hands the shotgun to Kevin.  
  
Kevin: Shwing!  
  
They load the weapons and rush in the front door of the school and see the dead bodies of school workers.  
  
Matt: That's disgusting.  
  
Kevin: Um, yeah.  
  
Another burst of gunfire down the hall brings them back to reality. They decide to go see what the hell is going on. When they get there, they can both see a large man pointing his assault rifle at the kids huddling under their desks.  
  
Guy With Assault Rifle: (yelling) Where the hell are the pilots!?  
  
Kevin: Right here.  
  
He shoots the man in the leg. The guy goes down and makes a large 'thump' sound. Blood forms a pool around his leg while he screams his ass off.  
  
Matt: Stay here, I'll find the others.  
  
He runs off and Kevin walks over to the man losing quite a bit of blood.  
  
Kevin: (to the class) Everyone okay?  
  
Matt: (running up stairs) Why does this have to be happening on my day off damn it?  
  
*meanwhile.*  
  
Shinji: I'd just like to point out that we're screwed.  
  
The classroom door then blows in after being shot repeatedly. Two men walk in, armed to the teeth. We'll call them Guy1 and Guy2, ok?  
  
Guy1: Where are the fuggin pilots? This is the third classroom we've tried damn it!  
  
Guy2: Whoa, simmer down there Chuckles.  
  
Guy1: Don't make me kick your ass.  
  
Guy2: I'd like to see you try.  
  
Guy1: Oh for the love of, we don't have time for this right now!  
  
Guy2: Ah yes, the killing and such.  
  
Guy1: Are any of you the pilots of an Evangelion?  
  
Shinji, Asuka and Rei try not to move. Some wuss-assed kid points to the three of them.  
  
Asuka: You unbelievable asshole!  
  
She then proceeds to punch that dumbass in the face. The two guys with guns point them at the three children. Then suddenly the one on the left was missing a part of his head. He fell over for obvious reasons. Matt ran in and pointed his revolver at Guy2 from the doorway.  
  
Guy2: Oh, fun.  
  
He quickly spun around and was about to shoot the children when a large hole in his neck appeared and blood flew everywhere. He joined his buddy on the floor.  
  
Matt: You three all right?  
  
All Three: Hai.  
  
Matt: Great. Let's get the hell out of here.  
  
All Three: Hai.  
  
Matt: (looks around) Beautiful.  
  
END FOR NOW  
  
Hey, sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. Something came up and I had to put it off for a few days. Anyway, if you read this, review it. Now. Go, do it. And you can e-mail about whatever at Sachiel03@aol.com. Go do that too.  
  
Also, if you can find it, read Evanjellydonut. I forget where I found it, but go look for it, it's the best thing ever. Seriously. 


	4. more action for the same low price

Hey, pay attention!  
  
Evangelion is owned by people other than me (but not for long). So is everything else in this fic except for maybe the two sentences I didn't rip off of a movie/TV show/whatever. And the name Kevin belongs to my little buddy in ninth grade.  
  
Don't hate me because this story is beautiful; hate me because it sucks because it's my first attempt. And yes, there are spoilers to the plot line of the original show.  
  
Ok, ( ) means the characters emotion at the time or whatever I deem important to make known to you, and * * is something I, the author, threw in there, none of which will make sense.  
  
I'd also like to point out that this story takes place after the end of the series but everyone's still alive and uninjured, so HA!  
  
Last Episodes-A new pilot and his insanely hot guardian, played by me, arrived in Tokyo 3. The new pilot (Kevin) has the hots for Rei, his guardian was late for his first day of work, and other crap happened, go read it yourself. If I spell something wrong, or say something that sounds wrong it's because a wizard did it. AND, when I said that you deserve a cookie, I meant that you should supply it yourself. Weirdo.  
  
Oh, and Rico, I had to make you about 20 because I don't think NERV would hire anyone younger, ok?  
  
Finally, I'm gonna try to write this and the following chapters not in script form and such. It just seems right for some reason, yep. When I have the time, I'm gonna go back and switch the first three, too.  
  
READY FIGHT!  
  
Matt looked at the mess he had made on the classroom's floor, noticing how the first guy's brains had covered half of the windows. *ewww*  
  
"So, I thought we were leaving or something," Shinji said blandly, "Or are we just gonna sit here and wait to die?"  
  
"How many men did you see come in the school?" Matt asked, obviously ignoring Shinji's sarcastic remark.  
  
"Five," Rei said because she just seemed like the person to do so.  
  
"Well, that makes things a lot more interesting doesn't it?"  
  
"Why?" Asuka asked, just because she hadn't said anything yet.  
  
"These are the only ones I've seen so far, that and the one Kevin incapacitated."  
  
"Kevin's here?" Shinji seemed confused by the last remark.  
  
"Yeah," Matt's eyes widen suddenly as he whips around, "SHIT!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Kevin!" Matt seemed a tad bit distressed remembering he had left his friend alone. *bet you couldn't figure that one out without me saying huh?*  
  
He grabs the revolver from his shoulder harness and nearly runs out of the room. Reaching the doorway, he remembers the children and tosses the Uzi to Asuka.  
  
"Sweet," Asuka smiled as she caught the weapon, apparently excited to have it.  
  
"What about me?" Shinji whined, distressed by the fact that a girl got the gun instead of him. Asuka kicked him in the shin, "Oh, I'll take good care of you Shinji." Shinji looked at her in disbelief.  
  
"Look, just come on!" Matt yelled from the doorway just before getting shot in his left shoulder. He screamed like a bitch *wouldn't you?* and fell on his ass, clutching his shoulder.  
  
A large man walked through the door, stepping over Matt, still yelling in pain *you ever get shot in the shoulder? it hurts, a LOT!* "You the pilots?"  
  
"What if we are?" Asuka retorted hiding the Uzi behind her back.  
  
"Asuka, maybe you shouldn't upset the nice man," Shinji mumbled, as he's on the verge of wetting himself.  
  
"Then you finally die," said the big man with the gun. He leveled his extremely large handgun at Asuka's head, causing her eyes to go as wide as they can get, when a hole, accompanied by a large spray of blood explodes from his chest. Obviously he fell, but not so obviously, he landed on the two already dead men.  
  
The children could then see Matt, still clutching his shoulder and laying on the floor, barely holding up his revolver in his left hand. He seemed to be forming a puddle of blood around his upper body. After a second, he fell back and dropped his gun. *hey, those things have a hell of a lot of kickback* After a minute of every living person, and one dead creepily, in the room stared at him breathing heavily and holding his shoulder, he slowly stood up.  
  
*well this is getting less and less funny as it goes along, but don't worry damn you! I'll get there, I wanted some loose idea of a plot*  
  
"Great, I give you the gun, and you don't even use it. Brilliant," Matt growled at Asuka.  
  
She seemed to get a wee bit angered by this, "I was going to! You didn't have to do that!"  
  
"What?!" Matt almost yelled, getting angry at the red head.  
  
"Like I said, I was about to shoot him myself!" Asuka yelled at his face.  
  
"You froze," Rei stated coldly from the front of the room before retrieving the medical kit from the teacher's desk. "Sit down," Matt stared at her for a second before obeying her and removed his shirts, both stained with blood. Almost all of the girls *hey, Rei was busy ok?* admired his incredibly good looking body. *HELL YEAH!* Rei proceeded to do medical garbage to his shoulder, or at least the best she could with one of those school first aid things.  
  
"Thanks, it's great to see someone do something helpful for a change," he threw an angry glance at Asuka. She just stared back, and then thought of stealing the Uzi she had recently given to Shinji.  
  
"Gee, if we're so useless, you better get to that pathetic friend of yours"  
  
"What's the problem you have with this guy? I mean, what did he ever do to you?" Shinji asked, confused.  
  
Matt looked up suddenly, "Holy hell! Kevin!" He jumped up and nearly knocked Rei off of the chair she was sitting on. He threw on his Hawaiian shirt and once again almost ran out of the room, stopping at the doorway and yelling at the pilots, "Come on!"  
  
They all ran after him, including the other kids in the class until Asuka yelled at them to stay there. The three pilots rushed out the door to see Matt only five feet away, and stopped in his tracks. A second later they could also see yet another large man holding a large hunting knife to Kevin's throat.  
  
"Tell me where the other children are or. ah, convenient," he finished noticing the three running out into the hall. Shinji leveled the Uzi at the man, or at least pointed it in his general direction seeing as how he's never used one before.  
  
"Shinji put it down," Matt said calmly without taking his eyes off of the knife.  
  
"What, why?"  
  
"Just do it, ok?"  
  
Shinji lowered the gun and hoped Matt knew what he was doing.  
  
"YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD ASS FACE!" Kevin managed to yell loudly in English.  
  
"What did you say you little shit?" the man said bringing his face disturbingly close to Kevin's.  
  
"I said bite me you damn dirty bastard," Kevin said, back in Japanese before elbowing the man in the gut. Unfortunately, all it did was bring the arm holding the knife down, so Kevin was still trapped and probably dead in a couple of seconds. The man quickly recovered and brought his knife swinging towards Kevin's throat when suddenly; it was cut off by a .50 caliber slug going through the man's brain. He fell backwards, taking Kevin with him. The four spectators watched him fall before looking up to find out what the hell just happened.  
  
They could see a young man, probably about twenty, with brown hair and eyes. He looked about six feet tall, and was wearing a black "system of a down" t -shirt and a red and black over shirt with a pair of light beige jeans. A cd player was partially sticking out of his one pocket and the head phones were around his neck. He appeared to be holding a Desert Eagle handgun, which had recently been used to blow the dead man's head apart.  
  
He lowered the gun before smiling, "Having fun at the school's expense I see."  
  
"Who in the hell are you?" Kevin asked before anyone else could. He had finally gotten out of the dead guy's grip.  
  
The new guy flashed an ID card in his wallet, "NERV security, last one around here apparently, I was lucky enough to take a leak right when they attacked us. Call me Rico," he paused to asses the scene, "So, you people want to get your asses to where the real fight is or just hang around here and wait for an invitation?"  
  
"Commander Ikari!" Rei spoke at a normal level of volume (so it would be yelling for her) as her eyes widened.  
  
"Don't worry, it's nothing serious, just a few of "God's Messengers" getting their faces plastered on the walls."  
  
"Um, ew." Shinji said looking disturbed by the terminology.  
  
"So are we going or am I gonna have to drag you there kicking and screaming?" Rico said sarcastically."  
  
They all realized that they should haul ass to NERV HQ *finally* and they exited the building to the parking lot.  
  
"Yeah, you have a car right?"  
  
"Huh, yeah I have a NERV van over there."  
  
"Great, 'cause my car only has two seats and all."  
  
"Interesting, maybe we should go now."  
  
"Right."  
  
With that they got into their cars, the three original pilots with Rico and the new one with his guardian. They all sped off to NERV.  
  
****** *lets more than read about Lolita and suburban lust!*  
  
The hallways of NERV headquarters are filled with dead bodies, both terrorists and NERV personnel alike. Bullet holes are everywhere, as is blood. The worst seems to be over. Misato is standing in the control room with everyone that's usually there.  
  
"Report," the extremely hot, purple haired, slim figured, big *WHOA! ENOUGH OF THAT!* major ordered.  
  
Maya was the first to answer, "Not as bad as it could have been. The invasion force has been wiped out, but they took quite a bit of our security team with them. The Magi believe that they were after the Evangelion units."  
  
"Hmmm, there's a thought. You know, how they stole ever bit of data on them and tried to break into the cage and all," Misato stated sarcastically  
  
"I think Aoba should do the rest of the report," Makoto cut in.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Everyone looked over at the long haired bridge bunny to see him still banging his head and playing the air guitar.  
  
"Freak."  
  
"I don't think it's too intelligent to disturb him now," Ritsuko said, "Last time, he pulled out a giant sickle and screamed 'DON'T FEAR THE REAPER!' before slicing that poor, poor janitor to shreds."  
  
"That's what that mess was in the cafeteria?"  
  
"No, that was a soda machine's fault."  
  
"I don't even want to know," Misato said, effectively ending the conversation.  
  
****** *I've seen monkey shit fights at the zoo more organized than this!*  
  
Gendo Ikari and Kozo Fuyutsuki sat/stood behind Gendo's desk in the Commander's office. Dr. Ritsuko Akagi stood across from them holding pieces of paper in her hand while reading off statistics and whatever the hell you want damn it.  
  
"So nearly half of our security force has been wiped out?"  
  
"Yes sir and all data on the evangelions have been stolen from our databases. The MAGI were unable to detect who did it, or even how it was done. We suspect it was one of the terrorists that attacked us sir."  
  
"Hmmm, there's an intelligent thought. They attack a gigantic military instillation that they must have known they could not possibly beat to destroy something 17 angels and an out of control soda machine couldn't. But wait, maybe their whole plan was to sacrifice unknowing followers to get secret information that someone such as SEELE could use to destroy us, something they've failed at doing despite their bottomless funds and manpower. That sounds almost like a plan doesn't it doctor?" Gendo said in an unnaturally high voice while making ridiculous hand gestures.  
  
Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki stared at him as he froze his position after finishing his small speech, before returning to his normal "Gendo" position. Light somehow reflected off his glasses in his dark office, "Get out."  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Not you Dr. Akagi."  
  
Two voices spoke as one, "Huh?"  
  
"I wish to relieve some 'pressure' this course of events has caused," he finished by raising an eyebrow.  
  
Fuyutsuki looked like he was going to be sick, "Ick, she's almost twenty years younger than you Ikari. And you have a wife."  
  
"But she's dead."  
  
"Oh, right," he rolled his eyes, "Dead, uh-huh."  
  
"Get out of here already!"  
  
"Yeesh, I'm going. You old sick bastard."  
  
"What?!" Gendo somehow raised his eyebrow even further.  
  
"Oh man, ummm, nothing?"  
  
Gendo narrowed his eyes, "Leave."  
  
The sub commander walked out of the large, large office, leaving the two to "relieve pressure" as Ikari had called it. *enough of that*  
  
****** *damn freshmen, crapping up my Culinary Science class*  
  
Oh, hi all. This isn't part of my story, but I'm putting it as such because I'm the damned author and you can all go to hell.  
  
I mean. I've realized almost this entire chapter was action oriented, you're probably all thinking "Duh," but I'd like to point out that Kevin wanted a plot and who was I to say no? I mean besides his friend who happens to be a whole FOUR years older, that little shit, I should give him a good ass beating and, oh, you're still here.  
  
Well, the next couple chapters will have a plot of some sort unless I decide to tell Kevin to go to hell. You can by sending an e-mail to Bluespike87@hotmail.com. That's really his e-mail address too, not someone's who I want to be told to go to hell but can't do it because he's been sick and not at school, no not at all. Ok, it is, but send mail that address and say:  
  
"Brian, Matt made fun of you online, HA HA!"  
  
Do it, it would make my day, and um, yours too, guaranteed.  
  
Another thing, it took a while to get this one up *hee hee, that sounds dirty* and, hey, how can I interrupt me to say something? *shut up and go with it assclown* But, that's just weird and, HEY! You just called me an assclown! *whoa, settle down there; just go back to what you were doing* Why you little bastard, oh well. Anywho, it took a while and the next one might take a while so hold on to your pants for no good reason while I go to school and have fun because I only have to take one hard class because I already have enough credits! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Oh, right and don't forget to review this and send some sort of letter to Sachiel03@aol.com because damn it I'm bored as hell and I'm not going to take it any more. 


	5. I'm taking a damn break

Hey, pay attention!  
  
Evangelion is owned by people other than me (but not for long). So is everything else in this fic except for maybe the two sentences I didn't rip off of a movie/TV show/whatever. And the name Kevin belongs to my little buddy in ninth grade.  
  
Don't hate me because this story is beautiful; hate me because it sucks because it's my first attempt. And yes, there are spoilers to the plot line of the original show.  
  
Ok, * * is something I, the author, threw in there, none of which will make sense. I'd also like to point out that this story takes place after the end of the series but everyone's still alive and uninjured, so HA!  
  
Last Episodes-A new pilot and his insanely hot guardian, played by me, arrived in Tokyo 3. The new pilot (Kevin) has the hots for Rei, his guardian was late for his first day of work, and other crap happened, go read it yourself. If I spell something wrong, or say something that sounds wrong it's because a wizard did it. Also, everything might seem weird, but go with it ok?  
  
Finally, I'm gonna try to write this and the following chapters not in script form and such. It just seems right for some reason, uh, yep. When I have the time, I'm gonna go back and switch the first three, too.  
  
READY FIGHT!  
  
Two cars sped though the nearly empty streets of Tokyo 3, the blue sports car completely outrunning the NERV van. Since those jackasses tore up Shinji's school, everyone had been ordered not to leave wherever they were at the time.  
  
"Hey uh, are you sure we can be going this fast, legally?" Kevin managed to sputter out as he and Matt flew down a street, going at least 130 mph.  
  
"Sure, I'm a government official, and it looks like no one's around to give a shit anyway."  
  
"Could we at least slow down so the other guys can catch up? Or maybe for this turn, I mean."  
  
"HOLD ON, THIS COULD STING A BIT!" They somehow (possibly magically) made the turn without wrecking.  
  
"SWEET JEEBUS SLOW DOWN!"  
  
"What? This isn't even close to fast."  
  
"JUST SLOW DOWN!"  
  
"Ok, ok, yeesh. Wuss."  
  
They continued to speed way over the legal limit until reaching the entrance to NERV hq. They sat there a minute, or at least Matt did as Kevin had gotten out to vomit a little, and waited for the others to arrive.  
  
Finally the van got there and they all got on that doowacky you see in the first episode where Misato and Shinji rode it to the huge pyramid. If you haven't seen that episode, too damn bad. Let's just say that eventually they all got to the pyramid and Rico left to go do security crap.  
  
****** *Public Service Announcement From Our Author*  
  
There has been a delay in our story.  
  
To be honest, I just don't feel like writing this at the moment. But DON'T WORRY, I'll get back to it so my loyal fans (if there are any) can continue reading this filth I call a story. For the hell of it, I'll give you a few reasons. 1. Bogged down with school (so much for getting the easy classes) and work 2. Personal Crap 3. Just saw End of Evangelion, depressed as hell 4. Watched whole series back to back (I have all the DVDs), depressed as hell 5. More Personal Crap (fuck off)  
  
That's about it, give me a week, I'll be back to writing. And hey you got a sneak peek at the next chapter up there huh? Seriously, I should have put this chapter up sooner, but my computer is a piece of shit. So I must say Goodbye for now friends, readers, losers with no lives, and the assortment of freaks. That is all. 


End file.
